mattrayner

:(

My life be like…..

ha you don’t even wanna know. atleast i know some people actually care. kayde i know you do. but i know why you talk to guys and shit. and joey todd. it really meant alot to me that you tried figuring out what was going on at 3 in the morning. so my life? here you go

Raised in portage since day one, parents split up when i was five, my dad took us one day and left to hebron he was drunk as fuck it was all snowy. we went down this hill that goes right to a pond then turns. we slid and almost went into the pond. lived in hebron for about 5 months. during that time my dad was drunk probably everyday. it was the 4th of july and i was in the back yard with my dad. he was drunk as usual and started talking about how my oldest brother would try to get my to suck his dick. he then pulled his pants down and tried getting me to so i ran and just sat in a field crying. i was 5, how does a 5 year old deal with something like that?

then after my mom got us back. he didnt come around for a couple years. and all my mom did was work then come home and sit in her room. we never did family shit. we never did anything. 

then when i was probably 13 my dad moved back out here. he was living in the trailer park by my sisters. me and my nephew stayed the night there with him. and he came home drunk told me to go lay down in his room so i wasnt on the couch. went in there and fell asleep. only to wake up to him trying to touch me. i didnt know what to do. finally i jumped up scream i fucking hate you. and ran got my nephew and we ran to my sisters house. she was sleeping and i just remember pounding on her trailer running around trying to wake her up. finally she did. i was up for like 4 days straight after that. i went to the police station with my mom and in the end. i didnt press charges. thinking back now. its like damn i wonder if he has done it to anyone else after that? if he did i couldve stopped it. i hate feeling like if he did it to someone else its my fualt.

then a couple years later he shows up at my mothers house and starts staying there because he was homeless. as he was staying there. he would tell my friends not to trust me and that i would snitch them out with out a doubt.

now hes gone in california or something and i dont talk to him.

my mom now. she use to be great. got me everything, i was her baby. but now its like im no one to her. she let my baby momma move in. when i lived in michigan

then i fucking did the dumbest things ever while i was there. i regret everything bad i did to kaydence. 

so after i did that i had to move back to portage. my mom wouldnt kick baby momma out. so i was either walking around all night. sleeping at a friends house or in a friends car. then me and kayde went to my moms to get her car keys so i could take her home, we didnt even go inside cause we didnt want any drama. and baby momma comes out and starts shit. i simply said go back to your moms. and she started hitting me. i pushed her back and she came back at me. i went reaching for her hands so she couldnt hit me. i was pissed and i couldnt hit her so i broke her windshield

then she says i swung on her. my sister said i did too. and my mom.

kayde is the only one that sticks up for me. even after everything i did. she stood by my side she knows i didnt swing on her. 

betrayed by my own family

all my “friends” never hit me up

the only person i talk to is kayde

i dont have friends anymore

my daughters birthday party was saturday. i was told i couldnt come

then the day of the party she tells everyone how im a piece of shit cause i wasnt there?

i have the text still where she told me she doesnt want me there

everything gets turned around

every one thinks im a piece of shit

i wish people could see the truth with that situation 

i love my daughter to death 

and will always be here for her

i dont smoke weed

i dont drink

i dont party

i dont do shit

her on the other hand is a totally different story

but i wont talk about that because im gonna be the bigger person

im done being stupid

im done trying to show people stuff

im done trying with everyone

there are three people ill give the world too

thats kayde olivia and the new baby

kayde is almost 15 weeks 

i love the fuck out of her. 

everything about her 

alkdjajsdoiwealsdnfaoisjdfoijwefoijadsjf

In 4 hourss

My babbbby will be 2 =O wowww. I got to seee kayde last night and she stayed the night :)) its beeen way to longg

Drama drama drama. Babee I can’t wait to prove everyone wrong and marry you. Olivia loves you and would want you to be there. Ill find a way for me and her to come visit you sooon. I miss your face and your smell. I even miss you pinching me :( ughhhh why’d I do this